Prayers Shall Pay!

In the shadow of dawn, 

Some tears fell apart,

Dreams get shattered,

Nothing seems last.

The phoenix of hopes,

Is burnt into ashes,

Its then The Almighty,

Recoil the bashes.

And the bird so slowly,

Reform to an angel,

To heal my pain,

To bring sanity in vain.

To open the gates of glory,

To bring twist in the story,

To stand me on cloud no. 9 ,

To tell me all will be fine,

And be it dark night or any rainy day,

Keep the faith in Him,

Your Prayers Shall Always Pay!

From Pain to Pain

"...I go from pain to pain 

Confessing 

And soothing myself with words

It is easy to escape 

Loving the words and the feelings so much.

Reality- the true thing -however 

Does not hear the words 

Nor Change because of them..."

And doesn't seems to Change ever. 

Sometimes I feel that we go through the worst times so that we could become more humble and see where we have gone wrong. And if I start listing it now it looks I have never been right at all or may be I can't see anything now. My heart again and again pounds over this cliché "why all this with me? " and then start pointing out the reasons for it. It may be because I dint do justice with my relations, may be I couldn't understand them ever. May be I was not a good planner, may be I planned it all together wrong. May be I was not humble after my successes, may be I dint know what's being humble.  May be I err so much more than a human should, may be I just don't deserve to be a human at all. 

I can't look down upon myself so much now. But whatever I do to debase my humanity and take the culpability of all the wrongs I have done so far, this pain, it doesn't seems to leave me easy. However, the more I introspect the more I suffer. Its not that I cant answer my questions with all the acumen I can restore and manage a safe way out, but right now, nothing seems to work. Its like a seashore you can see but can't touch, a tear you can feel but can't wipe, a verdict you can hear but can't change and a life you can love but can't help dying. 

Am I the one exaggerating? We know problems are all pervading. Also not the existence of their solution is doubtful. Yes, answers are everywhere. But do I care about the answers. NO! Its not the problems themselves but the sting they are leaving on me is what making me vulnerable. 

Have you ever saw yourself endlessly falling from a height, running for a fear or anyway departing your life through an helpless twinge in a dream? I can feel that every second. I am that much helpless right now and get more when I find no space to even shed my tears. I have all the isolation for my heart but not for myself.  I have to look brave, happy and wear an " I am OK! " smile all the time. I can do that but its rather paining me inside, making me shallow and squaring my problems. 

I don't know the end but I penned it so that after sometime I can re-read it and realize something which I am not able to right now. Though I am still dubious if it has some end

For the words of misery may never end till the life actually does!

Still I Rise...

"You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise."

Ps: Well I am little upset of the gloom around me and the unnecessary delays in my life vexing my patience and alleway...yet the deep down faith in me says that beyond all this I will still RISE ! 

Never Met You

Letter to my Heart

Rare Confessions

That's something I have recently learned that once you confess your hidden sin's, for which you always feel guilty, it assuages you completely and also gives you the strength to change and to get out of the trap of the sin's. So these are some of my rare confessions I always wanted to make but never dared to.

1. So often I get jealous by listening to the success of my friends. I start comparing them with myself and when I realize they have moved ahead, I feel inferior.

2. I always say I never regret in life but I regret as often as I look into the mirror a not-so-slim reflection and see that my closet is getting full of precious unfit clothes . The regret gets more painful when I know how to control the things but yet due to my laziness I lose my determination for exercise and diet later or sooner.

3. I have been termed as a most studious and ambitious person by people around me. However the truth is I could never manage to become what I always wanted to and in turn when I became of something else, better than I could ever imagine, I forgot my old dreams as soon as other's did. I was a good sports person, theater artist, dancer, singer, cartoonist, sketcher, short movie maker etc etc, almost best in everything which people called creative. But in the rat race of this world I lost and forgot those things that used to make me happy at heart.

4. Sometimes I look down upon myself being a middle class person. Why did I even dreamed of things I could not afford and even if I can it will lead me into financial insurgencies?

5. Even being so perfect in advising others about their personal airy matters I always find my self in chaos when the winds come to me.

6. I often have opinion clashes with my parents. I am a failure in solving this generation gap.

7. I love it when people come back to me although I could never stepped to go back to them. Had I have ever tried to go back, things could have been better with my relationships.

8. I am not a religious person but a true lover of mankind. So it sometimes bores me standing in a religious place where I can see less of god and more of hypocrisy.

9. I am over punctual as per IST ( Indian's Stretchable Time) which always turn me furious on the person even if they are JOT (just on time)

10. I have wasted hrs, days, and months sparely which I could have been used in some useful work and made my life more happening.

Well it took a great courage to spill the beans but only after writing I have realized that I just had 4 points in my mind which has eventually come down to 10 points. Now since I have penned them here I have accepted the fact that these things do exist and I need to work on them. I would someday love to see myself become a much much better person coming out of all my weaknesses and looking into the sky in the eyes of Almighty without any confessions.

Old Forgotten Colours

On the brisk of hope,

In the lap of love,

I made my world,

With a few curtain curve.

I hold the pillow so tight,

To see the dreams in my night,

And to go lost in the eternity no wise,

Forbearing nothing but just a creepy disguise.

Acted like a sis, like a daughter, like a friend,

Like a student, like a teacher and many more then,

Which role did I miss & which one did I hit,

Don't know but just trying compromising the fit.

Red while frenetic, sad when blue,

Pink in the happiness in everything I do,

Selfish at some points or asking other's bliss,

That's how confusing my very nature is.

Don't look into the past just keep moving on,

That's my mantra I am deeply holding on,

There would be a lot to say under my shining star,

But till now that's my story, my odyssey so far !

I found this somewhere inside my old diary while cleaning the clutter. The poem sounds a little lame but reminded me of the old forgotten colors of my life.

Happy Independence Day

15th August: Our Independence Day. Tomorrow is the day when we the Indians got our freedom from Britishers after a decade. But the question remains unanswered if we have actually got the freedom or not. Are we yet free from corruption, poverty, terrorism etc? However I do not intend to discuss all the grievances we youngsters have today about the independence day. Rather I just wish to enjoy the freedom we can actually enjoy. I wish to acknowledge the precious freedom we have got after losing the people who never cared for their lives and gave everything to their country. However we are not such great people out here. We cannot give our lives for this reason nor can we join Army to fight. But yet we are fighters. Yet we have a spirit which makes us different, which makes us Indian. I solute to that spirit of freedom in every Indian and wish you all a very happy independence day!

Bin Tere - Reprise

I DARE !

Between

Dream & Desire,

Heart & Brains,

Words & Silence,

Tear & Smile,

Love & Friendship,

Fear & Freedom,

Dear & Dare,

Woe & Warmth,

Expect & Surprise

Infidelity & Innocence,

Worth & Wealth,

Sentiment & Pragmatism,

Frown & Smile,

Rest & Proceed,

Fiction & Reality,

&

You & I

I have chosen the later one !

Wordless Wednesday

If ever I could express the freedom of my Heart dot dot dot . . .

Another Milestone

Now its just three days are left for my Job. Yes, I am leaving my job, my first job. I was to happy to get my dream job and was so excited that I will finally get off with the mess of this present job. But now I am feeling much more nostalgic. I am here since its inception. I have seen it when it was just few bricks and cement kind of thing. When there was just one chair to sit.When we had the havan, When the ribbon of inauguration was cut, When the first form was filled. And from that day we never looked back. We gave our work all that it wanted or even more than that. We made this branch work. I have done here which I feared the most, its SALES! Being an operation staff I did sales and that too hard core sales. But once I get started I never looked back. In every situation, I proved myself and always out shined. I gave a good business and nice relations.

But for me now important is what I got. Its first the confidence. The confidence that yes I can do, I can do everything. Also now I feel much more responsible and important in life. The sense of earning is heavenly. Infact I can say that now I have understood what "Purchasing Power" is all about. One thing more that I have learned here is "saving". You can save better when you start earning because than only you realize that this is a hard earned money.

Anyway, someday I had to move. Now again new people, new work. But now I am much more ready and waiting to know what life has for me next!

Top 10 Wishes

1. Stay out of trouble.

2. Aim for greater heights

3. Stay focused on your job.

4. Exercise and maintain good health.

5. Practice team work.

6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back. Take your time trusting others.

7. Save for rainy days.

8. Rest and relax.

9. Always take out time to smile.

AND

10. Realize that nothing is impossible ..

Most IMPORTANT don't forget to smile :)

An unseen path

When I have no idea what next....All I can do is to be open to everything coming my way

Pages of my diary

Dooriyaan

"Its not that I hate the distance between us.Its just that I cannot bear the pain of Separation"

Welcome again

Like an ugly dream, like an old friend....you somehow always come back to me. Being so unwelcome yet you dont leave me for long. Are you inside me or appear from an alien world. I dont hate you but that doesnt mean i love you. Your so difficult to get away. I hope someday you be completely out of my life. But now since you have come, let me accept you again, my dear loneliness....

What is Love???

Love is a strange thing....

when we don't even know it we can feel it.....childhood

when we don't value it we have a lot of it.....adulthood

when we need it we don't understand it......teenage

when we understand it we don't have time for it.....young age

& when we have time for it, its difficult to show it.....old age

So no matter what age your into....no matter what form of love you have....no matter how he/she will react.....go...show your love.....This world would be a beautiful place if we all show our love.

PS: I wrote this not because I am into love but probably because I can love anything I am into...

To Respected Tears...

Hey, this is a last warning...Don't you understand that your just an unwelcome guest for me...whenever you come I feel bad and at times embarrassed...I always have to give excuses for hiding you...The only thing good about is that you make me Stronger but listen, your not my friend ok...So make sure this is the last time...Dont you ever ever ever come again...Got it!

Water with me...

“The sky broke like an egg into full sunset and the water caught fire.”