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Friday, October 22, 2010

From Pain to Pain



"...I go from pain to pain 

Confessing 
And soothing myself with words
It is easy to escape 
Loving the words and the feelings so much.

Reality- the true thing -however 
Does not hear the words 
Nor Change because of them..."


And doesn't seems to Change ever. 




Sometimes I feel that we go through the worst times so that we could become more humble and see where we have gone wrong. And if I start listing it now it looks I have never been right at all or may be I can't see anything now. My heart again and again pounds over this cliché "why all this with me? " and then start pointing out the reasons for it. It may be because I dint do justice with my relations, may be I couldn't understand them ever. May be I was not a good planner, may be I planned it all together wrong. May be I was not humble after my successes, may be I dint know what's being humble.  May be I err so much more than a human should, may be I just don't deserve to be a human at all. 




I can't look down upon myself so much now. But whatever I do to debase my humanity and take the culpability of all the wrongs I have done so far, this pain, it doesn't seems to leave me easy. However, the more I introspect the more I suffer. Its not that I cant answer my questions with all the acumen I can restore and manage a safe way out, but right now, nothing seems to work. Its like a seashore you can see but can't touch, a tear you can feel but can't wipe, a verdict you can hear but can't change and a life you can love but can't help dying. 




Am I the one exaggerating? We know problems are all pervading. Also not the existence of their solution is doubtful. Yes, answers are everywhere. But do I care about the answers. NO! Its not the problems themselves but the sting they are leaving on me is what making me vulnerable. 




Have you ever saw yourself endlessly falling from a height, running for a fear or anyway departing your life through an helpless twinge in a dream? I can feel that every second. I am that much helpless right now and get more when I find no space to even shed my tears. I have all the isolation for my heart but not for myself.  I have to look brave, happy and wear an " I am OK! " smile all the time. I can do that but its rather paining me inside, making me shallow and squaring my problems. 




I don't know the end but I penned it so that after sometime I can re-read it and realize something which I am not able to right now. Though I am still dubious if it has some end

For the words of misery may never end till the life actually does!

16 comments:

Ria said...

I hope u get the strength to overcome the pain....and yes got that u thought of penning it down here for u to re-read it. It surely helps.

Tanvi said...

More power and strength to you! :)

bollywoodstylediaries said...

:-( I hope u the answer u r looking for. Be safe and take care of urself..

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

I hope the best for you and that god gives you the strength to bear the pain and overcome it all..

sometimes things happen for whatever reasons, it takes long for us to realise if right or wrong , whose fault .. but then i also feel that if you feel that way then you shud go and rectify the problem.

The answers you are looking for are inside you only, it only takes extending your hand and might be just might be it will be held by the one who left you or you left ...
I m not sure what the problem is but heres wishing you all the best you take care of urself and everything will work out just fine ...

Bikram's blog

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

You dont have to put this as a comment but i just wanted to say to you that .. If you ever want to talk to someone about anything .. dont hesitate to get in touch my email is mannbik@gmail.com, I can feel and understadn the pain you are going through ...
I went through it myself and it still continues if i can be of any help i would be blessed.

you take care of yourself and dont let this bring you down ... take care now

rainboy said...

stop pretending for anyone just whatever is troubling you let it out and don't isolate yourself talk to your best friends it will make you feel good...try to get rid of stress
by dancing or working out...

keep yourself surrounded by happiness things that make you happy do them just for yoursake.No one can help you or take you out of this phase only you can and trust me...LIFE IS FUN!!!! nothing else.
Go out live the life the way you want not the way anyone else wants.

TAke care n BEARHUGS
smile :)

Punam said...

Poonam, How can empathise with you.. you are scared, my dear. I can see that you are. Something is holding you back. Pain is holding you back. It's a fear of being lonely, maybe? Of losing everything? Face it, Poonam.

"Have you ever saw yourself endlessly falling from a height, running for a fear or anyway departing your life through an helpless twinge in a dream? I can feel that every second. I am that much helpless right now and get more when I find no space to even shed my tears. I have all the isolation for my heart but not for myself."

says it all. It's your struggle.. the one written for you to battle out.. DO it.

My heart goes out for you. TC.. and like Tanvi said, more strength to you.. more mental strength to you. TC!
~Punam

Shail said...

What I would say is : The beauty of pain is that it simply fades, leaving behind the strenth it breeds.. So, someday this pain shall pass leaving u a stronger person. Believe me !!

Anonymous said...

life is a war and as far as i know ur a winner at every warfront. u have won fight of life at every moment. so stop acting like a looser.STOP IT!!nothing is going wrong its just a new era, let it pass by.
find ur strenth in ur TEARS. look up and dive from that cliff and i am sure u will survive.
POONAM MADAM, remember my words, u will be a winner and no one can stop u, but just have patience and u will get whatever u want.
God Bless.

sm said...

beautiful pics
full of emotions and each pic say something
good luck

Devil Incarnate... said...

May god give u enough strength 2 overcome the pain.. wtever our mood may b, i'll say, write it down, there is no better way than writing for u.. u will feel better...
tc dear..

joejoseph said...

"PINNEYUM PINNEYUM AARO KINAVINTE

PADIKADANNETHUNNA PADHAMISHRANAM.................


AARUM KOTHIKKUNNORAL VANNUCERUMENNARO KINAVIL MOZHINJHATHAVAM..................

bibhash k jha said...

when you go out in a war .. u die or return with victory .. gud luck for a victory and u will be stronger once you get over it :)

Thearte of the Absurd

Rolling Stone said...

simply too good actually I am also going thru the same pain...
I can actually connect myself with ur blogs...
simply loved it.
loveriddhi.blogspot.com

this is my blog exclusively for my estranged lady love...
do read and drop in ur comments.

Shail said...

I cann't find follow button on ur page ???

SatyU said...

You are so good.
I feel like you've penned my thoughts. The one I could never say..

Beautiful :)