Why?

I don't know why usually the most lively people in this world lose the inspiration to live....let alone the wish to relive!

I Feel Like Dying

I'm sitting here asking myself why Why is it that I want to die I hate my life and what I am So I'm just thinking to myself how do I get out of this jam I try to have faith But my life is moving at a slow pace I'm hoping I can gain some patience Because I need some time to adapt to these changes  Yet I try to remain gracious Even though I really can't take this  Constant feeling of despair And the sudden urge to shed a tear I'm really in search of that true friend Who gets me and I get them Does that person even exist Or am I just making a false wish Yes I still feel like dying But no I'm not trying

From Dreams to Reality

I still remember the day when I started writing this blog. I was very sad but still hopeful. And today my hopes have come true. I can see my dreams taking shape and all my wishes are fulfilled now. There was a day when I could only see and wait for the day you come to me....but today I can touch you and feel how it seems to be. My much awaited wait has got over. My dream is in my hand and I am very happy to feel it everyday every second. But the only bad part about dreams is that when they get fulfilled they start giving birth to many more dreams like them and most of the times the one which bigger then them. But I have no problem with it. I am thankful to God that he helped me in this journey and gave me courage to go ahead. And with His help I will turn all my dreams into reality very soon. Lord help me to grow soon.

                           Dare to dream, dare to fly,
                           Dare to be the ever chosen one to touch the sky.


(PS: Actually I have got my dream job.Yuppieee!!!)

  

Marriage at my home

Its been really long I have written something. I missed this place. Lot of things are going in my life. And the most recent one is the upcoming marriage of my bro. Its on 29th April. Things are charging gradually. I almost seem to compare every little thing from my sis 's marriage which held 5 years back. Everything has changed a lot. Now one member will be added to our family and I am very excited about it. Every day we go for shopping, some arrangements in home, some calls, some cold drinks etc etc etc. N number of things are going here and there. All still seems to be at rest in my mind. I feel at peace at this moment and just want to enjoy every second of it. I hope the marriage goes up well and happily.

PS: Most imp thing I am worried abt is my look that day. I hope I look v v beautiful that day.

What I feel for you

Even if you don't say a word I can hear the story in your mind. Even if you don't look for me I can sense you need me. Even if you smile all the while I can see the tears in your heart. And even if you don't see me around I am always there with you in your heart, just like a flame with the candle, like a fragrance with the flower and like a soul with the being. The seasons may change, the sun may end for a dawn, the birds may fly away and the world may abandon. But what will never change is my enduring love for you...It will just grow stronger and stronger by the time we will spend together...!

Silent Prayers

I am not the most successful person in this world. Not the wealthiest too. I don't have a big heart to give it all. Yes, I am selfish. I am not the most blessed being and not all my wishes come true. I am also not the happiest person out here.


But, I want you to be the one. I don't have anything to give you now except my Silent Prayers. May God Bless you!

Ye Silsile...

"Tum ho to sab silsile ache lagte hai,

Is chahat ke silsile ache lagte hai,

Door jana magar laut aana,

Mujhe tum se tumhi tak ke fasle ache lagte hai..."

Yuppieee....Its my B'day Today!

Happy Birthday To Me....:)

My First Tag

Well this is my first tag.Got it from my dear friend Bikram. So now I will see how good I am at this. Here I go-

If I were a month…..September...I just love the season in this month.

If I were a day of the week….It has to be Saturday. Every banker know why is it so. Half day gives you full opportunity for hangout n movies....yey yey 

If I were a time of day….Evening. I love the evening mood.  Relaxed and serene.

If I were a season….Spring for sure. I can't bear too much of summer or winter.

If I were a planet…Venus. After women are from Venus only. ;)

If I were a sea animal…Gold fish.  Wo choti wali, cute si.

If I were a direction….West. Love their open culture.

If I were a piece of furniture…. Chandelier. Its elegance is so attractive n royal (?does it come in furniture....)

If I were a liquid….. Lemonade. I am almost addicted to it. 

If I were a tree….Neem tree. Bitter but very useful (for me dats jus smtimes okie)

If I were a tool….Stapler. It gets paper together to make them meaningful a file.  (poor philosophy ehh...)

If I were an element….Oxygen. Dats how important I want to be for others.

If I were a gemstone……Neelam. I know abt only one gemstone, da one I wear.

If I were a musical instrument….Guitar. Next could be Violin. So relaxing and takes you to another world.

If I were a color…..Pink. M sho girly girly.

If I were a emotion…..Hope. Its not found everywhere.

If I were a fruit…Strawberry

If I were a sound…Sound of wind. Try, you can hear it .

If I were a car…..Hyundai i10

If I were food…….Matar Kulcha/ Pasta

If I were a scent….Lavender/ rose 

If I were a pair of shoes…. Stelatoes

If I were a bird….Sparrow. I wish for peace everywhere.

All who have read this, have been tagged. Try it and you will love it. Tadda!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all of you. May this year bring loads of love, success and prosperity in your life...

 With love....Poonam

Sheila Ki Jawani - Chipmunks Version

MERRY CHRISTMAS

" Everything will be a pleasant surprise when you expect nothing..."

Merry Christmas to all of you. Since I couldn't get time for two days I am writing it today as I badly wanted to wish Christmas to my dear ones. This Christmas has been very pleasant and celebrating for me. Every year I used to have a long list for Santa but this time I really had nothing to ask for. Santa already fulfilled my wishes and if I ask for more I will surely sound selfish. So I thought of doing something different in this post. Rather than putting my long wishlist (which I thought I still have,although it no more exist or may be have shrinked now), I want to say thanks to the people who have been like a cute little Santa for me and have completed my wishes whether asked for or not.

So THANK YOU...
...to God first of all. Then my parents, my brothers, my sister, my jiju, my cute little nephew, my would be bhabhi, my teachers,my tutors, my colleagues, my seniors, my bosses, my mentors, my neighbors, my relatives, my cousins, all my friends and everyone else whom I have met at any point of my life or whom I have never met at all but still have a role in my life. You people have been a blessing to me. I have learned a lot from you. You made me improve, grow, love, understand, care and learn how to live life to its fullest. You make me smile and give me strength to move on in life. You made me matured and you only bring the kid out of me. In nutshell, you have given a meaning to my life by completing it. For everything I want to thank you from the core of my heart and wish that all your wishes come true. May be I have said or may be I couldn't...But I  Love You all. Don't forget to love me back! Merry Christmas!

MY CHRISTMAS TREE

MY CHRISTMAS CAP

MY CHRISTMAS JOKER

MY CHRISTMAS FAIRY

MY CHRISTMAS POOH 

MY CHRISTMAS DEAR

MY CHRISTMAS SNOWMAN

MY CHRISTMAS CAT

MY CHRISTMAS CAMEL

CHRISTMAS WISHES

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL....

WITH LOADS OF LOVE....

POONAM

So Close....Yet So Far

He: Like a song I can hear you,  Like a dream I can see you,
       Like a breeze you touch me & Like air your always around.
       I can find you in every breath I take, so close you reside to my heart .

She: Like a word your into my voice, Like a dew I wake up with you,
        Like story you complete me & Like a tear you shine into my eyes.
        I can see you like a distant shore of the sea, so near yet so far.
      

Departure

(At Airport)

He: Hey, you!

She: Yeah, So you are leaving.

He: Yes, In a while. But wanted to say something.

She: Me too.

He: What?

She: Goodbye!

He: Hmmmm....Bye!

She thought- I know you wanted to say that you still love me.

He thought- I wanted to say I am sorry. I wish I could.

Both sighed and moved...away from each other!

Change is Imperative

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it..."

 I've learned it now! You can't change everything. Sometimes you just have to let things come to you and accept it the way it is. And change yourself, change the way you think about it. You have to accept the situation your into, need to forgive yourself and love the change given rather chosen by you. Everything becomes easier then.

This change has brought a big change in me. I am no more rigid with myself. I am human and I am allowed to do mistakes. If I am sad I cry, nor that I pretend to be strong and punish my emotions. If I am guilty I apologize, don't give excuses to hide them. And if I am happy I laugh out loud like crazy whatsoever others think about me. Because I know I have just one and only one life to live and I don't want to spend it in becoming Ms. Perfect. I love the way I am because this is how I am happy the most. And I want to remain happy always :)

 

Congratulations !

Well now I am writing after so so long because I finally have something to write. Yes, it is a strong emotion...Hey No I am not sad. In fact I am happy. Very Very happy! and after a long long time. It was my friend's marriage. However I am not so happy for this reason alone but particularly because it was a love marriage. It was the first love marriage in my group. So my heartiest congratulation to them. Love you guys!

I have seen so many couples from my school time. They get hooked up and soon get a break up. Earlier I used to think that all of them have some casual relationship going which they are not strong enough to take up further. But its not true. I have seen people struggling v v hard to make their relationship work I have seen them crying, n dying every moment but yet they lose.

I always thought that love marriages are the best and have least risk in it. In college this mindset became stronger. So many couples around.Parties, movies, lunches...it was always beautiful to see lovely couples around. Love was in the air and there was so much to breathe. But slowly I started noticing that the wonder couples have become blunder pairs and perfect relationships are no more relationships at all! The season of break up has come and the wind of independence is blowing. "Move on!" is no more the tagline of Fast track only, people are happy being on a single track and "we are just friends" is a truth now. I started realizing that arrange marriages are pretty safer. You can have it all with leaving not much. And you can find your parents always by your side w/o any chance of having "it was your choice, now don't cry". But is it really like this. Hmmm....not 100%. I was shocked to find one of my senior (was more like a friend or should I say sister) in a divorce situation who had a perfect Big Fat Indian (arranged) Wedding. Gosh! I was out my senses then. She was so nice, every one loved her except her husband. He was a perfect match from every other aspect than his nature which cannot be found out in few meetings, like it happen in arranged marriages. And this was not the only case I saw. Yeah, not divorce but some serious problems could be seen in young married couples which made me terrified badly.

Ok. So now both kind of marriages are risky and you just can't measure how much it can be. So I shouldn't marry at all. This is the best way out. Oh its not a joke. You might have heard girls saying this and I saw some valid reasons for it.

Anyway, whatever we say and how much we think, marriages are ought to happen. We can't deny it and can't live w/o it.

Situations can make anyone fail and luck may let anyone win.

This way I have moulded my mind now. So let destiny decide which way I marry, arranged or love. What is in my hand is to give my 100% to work it well and beyond that God is always there.

So every one, who is single,committed, going to marry and already married, your soul mate is chosen by God just like he has chosen your parents. So don't be afraid. He/She is not perfect but neither are you then. So why think so much, let the relationship be perfect and the love take over. Love is always perfect even if love marriages can't be! & Marriages are not to be afraid of but to praise for as they are designed by God and made in Heaven.

With loads and loads of Love,
Poonam 

Prayers Shall Pay!

In the shadow of dawn, 

Some tears fell apart,

Dreams get shattered,

Nothing seems last.

The phoenix of hopes,

Is burnt into ashes,

Its then The Almighty,

Recoil the bashes.

And the bird so slowly,

Reform to an angel,

To heal my pain,

To bring sanity in vain.

To open the gates of glory,

To bring twist in the story,

To stand me on cloud no. 9 ,

To tell me all will be fine,

And be it dark night or any rainy day,

Keep the faith in Him,

Your Prayers Shall Always Pay!

From Pain to Pain

"...I go from pain to pain 

Confessing 

And soothing myself with words

It is easy to escape 

Loving the words and the feelings so much.

Reality- the true thing -however 

Does not hear the words 

Nor Change because of them..."

And doesn't seems to Change ever. 

Sometimes I feel that we go through the worst times so that we could become more humble and see where we have gone wrong. And if I start listing it now it looks I have never been right at all or may be I can't see anything now. My heart again and again pounds over this cliché "why all this with me? " and then start pointing out the reasons for it. It may be because I dint do justice with my relations, may be I couldn't understand them ever. May be I was not a good planner, may be I planned it all together wrong. May be I was not humble after my successes, may be I dint know what's being humble.  May be I err so much more than a human should, may be I just don't deserve to be a human at all. 

I can't look down upon myself so much now. But whatever I do to debase my humanity and take the culpability of all the wrongs I have done so far, this pain, it doesn't seems to leave me easy. However, the more I introspect the more I suffer. Its not that I cant answer my questions with all the acumen I can restore and manage a safe way out, but right now, nothing seems to work. Its like a seashore you can see but can't touch, a tear you can feel but can't wipe, a verdict you can hear but can't change and a life you can love but can't help dying. 

Am I the one exaggerating? We know problems are all pervading. Also not the existence of their solution is doubtful. Yes, answers are everywhere. But do I care about the answers. NO! Its not the problems themselves but the sting they are leaving on me is what making me vulnerable. 

Have you ever saw yourself endlessly falling from a height, running for a fear or anyway departing your life through an helpless twinge in a dream? I can feel that every second. I am that much helpless right now and get more when I find no space to even shed my tears. I have all the isolation for my heart but not for myself.  I have to look brave, happy and wear an " I am OK! " smile all the time. I can do that but its rather paining me inside, making me shallow and squaring my problems. 

I don't know the end but I penned it so that after sometime I can re-read it and realize something which I am not able to right now. Though I am still dubious if it has some end

For the words of misery may never end till the life actually does!

Still I Rise...

"You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise."

Ps: Well I am little upset of the gloom around me and the unnecessary delays in my life vexing my patience and alleway...yet the deep down faith in me says that beyond all this I will still RISE ! 

Never Met You

Letter to my Heart

Rare Confessions

That's something I have recently learned that once you confess your hidden sin's, for which you always feel guilty, it assuages you completely and also gives you the strength to change and to get out of the trap of the sin's. So these are some of my rare confessions I always wanted to make but never dared to.

1. So often I get jealous by listening to the success of my friends. I start comparing them with myself and when I realize they have moved ahead, I feel inferior.

2. I always say I never regret in life but I regret as often as I look into the mirror a not-so-slim reflection and see that my closet is getting full of precious unfit clothes . The regret gets more painful when I know how to control the things but yet due to my laziness I lose my determination for exercise and diet later or sooner.

3. I have been termed as a most studious and ambitious person by people around me. However the truth is I could never manage to become what I always wanted to and in turn when I became of something else, better than I could ever imagine, I forgot my old dreams as soon as other's did. I was a good sports person, theater artist, dancer, singer, cartoonist, sketcher, short movie maker etc etc, almost best in everything which people called creative. But in the rat race of this world I lost and forgot those things that used to make me happy at heart.

4. Sometimes I look down upon myself being a middle class person. Why did I even dreamed of things I could not afford and even if I can it will lead me into financial insurgencies?

5. Even being so perfect in advising others about their personal airy matters I always find my self in chaos when the winds come to me.

6. I often have opinion clashes with my parents. I am a failure in solving this generation gap.

7. I love it when people come back to me although I could never stepped to go back to them. Had I have ever tried to go back, things could have been better with my relationships.

8. I am not a religious person but a true lover of mankind. So it sometimes bores me standing in a religious place where I can see less of god and more of hypocrisy.

9. I am over punctual as per IST ( Indian's Stretchable Time) which always turn me furious on the person even if they are JOT (just on time)

10. I have wasted hrs, days, and months sparely which I could have been used in some useful work and made my life more happening.

Well it took a great courage to spill the beans but only after writing I have realized that I just had 4 points in my mind which has eventually come down to 10 points. Now since I have penned them here I have accepted the fact that these things do exist and I need to work on them. I would someday love to see myself become a much much better person coming out of all my weaknesses and looking into the sky in the eyes of Almighty without any confessions.

Old Forgotten Colours

On the brisk of hope,

In the lap of love,

I made my world,

With a few curtain curve.

I hold the pillow so tight,

To see the dreams in my night,

And to go lost in the eternity no wise,

Forbearing nothing but just a creepy disguise.

Acted like a sis, like a daughter, like a friend,

Like a student, like a teacher and many more then,

Which role did I miss & which one did I hit,

Don't know but just trying compromising the fit.

Red while frenetic, sad when blue,

Pink in the happiness in everything I do,

Selfish at some points or asking other's bliss,

That's how confusing my very nature is.

Don't look into the past just keep moving on,

That's my mantra I am deeply holding on,

There would be a lot to say under my shining star,

But till now that's my story, my odyssey so far !

I found this somewhere inside my old diary while cleaning the clutter. The poem sounds a little lame but reminded me of the old forgotten colors of my life.

Happy Independence Day

15th August: Our Independence Day. Tomorrow is the day when we the Indians got our freedom from Britishers after a decade. But the question remains unanswered if we have actually got the freedom or not. Are we yet free from corruption, poverty, terrorism etc? However I do not intend to discuss all the grievances we youngsters have today about the independence day. Rather I just wish to enjoy the freedom we can actually enjoy. I wish to acknowledge the precious freedom we have got after losing the people who never cared for their lives and gave everything to their country. However we are not such great people out here. We cannot give our lives for this reason nor can we join Army to fight. But yet we are fighters. Yet we have a spirit which makes us different, which makes us Indian. I solute to that spirit of freedom in every Indian and wish you all a very happy independence day!

Bin Tere - Reprise

I DARE !

Between

Dream & Desire,

Heart & Brains,

Words & Silence,

Tear & Smile,

Love & Friendship,

Fear & Freedom,

Dear & Dare,

Woe & Warmth,

Expect & Surprise

Infidelity & Innocence,

Worth & Wealth,

Sentiment & Pragmatism,

Frown & Smile,

Rest & Proceed,

Fiction & Reality,

&

You & I

I have chosen the later one !